In this issue:
Featured Feminist: J. Nyla McNeill
Original Poetry Student Submissions
Mattie
Ray
Marlene
Feminist Favorites
Making Zoom Theater: The Wolves, a recap by Ray
Featured Feminist:
J. Nyla McNeill is a local poet, performer, artist, activist and more. Their work speaks for itself. Follow' them and support their fundraisers on Instagram at @mx.jvn
“I am still here”, 2020 Canva, Digital
These lines can be found in a poem called "WHAT YOU WANT ME TO BE" (2019) performed for the Transgender Day of Remembrance vigil at California State University, Long Beach. The full poem will be featured in a zine called Trans Dys/Euphoria, coming soon on Patreon and through the Brown Recluse Zine Distro, distributor of the largest collection of queer and trans of color small press literature and zines.
J. Nyla McNeill (b. 1996)
“Transpresent”, 2020 Canva, Digital
"I am 'transpresent' / I am ‘here and there’” is from a poem called “a word for everyone (and the fun part is that you get to choose/metaphors for the way I breathe.” It belongs to a manuscript, “Advocating and Evidencing Trans/Gender Non-Binary Selves, Community, and Science: Auto-ethnography in Spoken Word Poetry,” co-authored by D.L. Shultz and J. Nyla for the Western States Communications Association.
“Transpresent” is a radical proclamation of oneness with the trans self, and the transness of the Everythingness (and English word for the native concept of sacred interconnectedness). It was gifted to the writers by intercultural communications scholar, professor, and mentor to many (including their own mentor, Dr. Benjamin LeMaster, at the University of Arizona), Dr. Amira de La Garza, at the Western States Communications Association in 2018.
Original Student Submissions:
Queer second graders can have crushes too
by Mattie Limas
My first ever crush was in 2nd grade. He was wearing an Ed Hardy black graphic tee. For those of you who don't know Ed Hardy, he was the progenitor god of endless years of tacky men’s clothing.
Interestingly enough, I actually was enamoured with this nameless boy’s shirt, according to my 2nd grade sensibilities. Smack dab in the middle of this shirt was a crimson red tiger, jaw wide open. Wrapped around its maw were endless vines of flames shooting to all ends of the shirt, like a giant ball of fire. Again, very cool to my 2nd grade sensibilities.
That is what caught my attention while I was in line next to him, waiting for class, and wanting so badly to be near to him, no, to be his friend, no, give him a hug, no? After ruminating on the thoughts for what seemed like forever, the words that so rudely erupted from my mouth were
“Have you ever stared at the sun?”
He turned to me, his kind, small eyes absolutely brimming with surprise, then, wait, consideration, then, oh..., secrecy.
“I thought it was against the rules” he said.
I insisted that it wasn't, knowing full well it was.
He trusted me very easily, and so both our heads turned to the sky.
What I saw: bright white yellow. Then turquoise. Then maroon. Blue?
It didn't hurt.
In fact, when we looked back down, and our eyesight was obstructed by that familiar technicolor disco ball, all I could think about was how much he was laughing, and the faint smile I could make out from my damaged eyes.
I can tell you many other stories of many other boys who, together with them, looked at many other suns to make them smile.
I can also tell you how many times my eyes, though damaged, never hurt. Just pulsed with color.
Presence
by Ray
Presence is all about the 'all abouts'
It is sinking into the moment
Pen to paper
Vibration to air
Energy to care
At present, I am sending out a beacon
It's a flame a person only gets once in a Blue Moon
saying, "come one, come all, come big, come small
I will take on your cares
Your worries, your doubts
I am equally full of these too
I will help you carry yours if you
will help me carry mine
And someday we may find that
Fine is all we have to do"
Presence is accepting things
exactly as they are
All the sadness
and joy,
heaviness
and lightness,
And things outside the binary
saying,
"This is part of me
That I may show to you"
And now, at present, I'm through
original artwork by Sarah Henwood
Masculitty (a rap)
by Marlene Guerrero
Come one come all
If you’re too afraid to stand tall
It's probably because your penis is small
But don’t show me fear
Did you know 44,000 people try to kill themselves as of last year?
Men are more 4 times more likely to follow through
Because as we all know women only whine about how they are blue
You must hide your fear
Or else you’re queer
You won’t be a man
If you’re as fruity as the toucan
Just go with the motion
Who needs an emotion?
If there’s one you must express
It is only anger and detest
Saturdays are for the boys
Go and play women like they are toys
Crack open a cold one while you’re at it
And hide all your issues up in an attic
Just be a loner
Don’t connect with people, unless it’s with a boner
Society doesn’t care about his brains, only his brawns
...
When can we see that this is all wrong?
For the former is truly gold, and the latter is bronze
When will this end?
This patriarchal trend
It tears him apart
While he gives up his heart
Sources for the statistic:
https://www.livescience.com/44615-suicide-help.html http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Toxic_masculinity?file=Male-protagonist-bingo.jpg
Feminist Favorites:
Our favorite poems, handpicked for your reading pleasure
Rory's Choice:
Eileen's Choice:
Ray's Choice:
Mattie's Choice:
(poem by Alok Vaid-Menon)
Making Zoom Theater: The Wolves
by Rachel Post
What it was like to do a play over zoom
On August 21st, 2020, the company members of CalRep’s production of The Wolves by Sarah DeLappe performed via Zoom webinar. The number of attendees exceeded 50 people and the semi-live reading lasted about two and a half hours in total. Audience members were encouraged to respond to the action in the chat, which the actors were able to read after the fact. The company of ten student actors was led by director Jessica Hanna, assistant directed by Kristin Nemecek, and technically managed by student volunteers Analisa Borja and Fabian Montes. The acting ensemble consisted of Ashley Davies, Mika Dyo, Kimberly English, Stephanie Lopez, Adrianna Luna, Aislinn Grace McInerney, Casey Murray, Abigail Rizo, Peyton Turowski, and myself (Rachel Post).
The group was privileged enough to have a cumulative two months of rehearsal in person before the shutdown began in March, the week before the show was set to open. Because a majority of the character work and group dynamics had already formed in previous rehearsals, the group only attended two Zoom rehearsals before the final virtual performance. In these rehearsals, the focus was mainly set on finding a rhythm that transcended the dreaded effects of Zoom lag while still maintaining the integrity of the script.
Challenges we faced
Because DeLappe’s script has so much overlap and information purposefully layered throughout every scene, the level of listening we had to achieve in order to overcome this was tantamount to trying to hear someone speak at a loud concert. One of the tools we used to do this was having our scripts at the ready so we could follow along and find our cues without getting distracted from the momentum of the action.
One of the greatest limitations of any digital space is the space itself. Not only is the image that your webcam captures incredibly limiting, but many of the actors were Zooming in from their bedrooms or backyards, dealing with shotty internet service or noisy environments. Because of this, it can be difficult to establish and maintain a spatial relationship with your scene partners. The following are some tools that we played with in order to express those relationships through this strange new medium:
Depth:
Your distance from your camera can ascribe your distance from the action. Certain depths can automatically be linked to certain tones. For example, #13 is a character who makes a lot of jokes so when she uses a short depth (i.e. leaning in close to the camera) the almost fisheye effect of this proximity accentuates the silliness of what she is doing or saying. Alternately, a character like #00 might stay back and play with a farther distance to denote that she is on the outskirts of the group socially, or in a different place mentally.
Off-Camera Points of Focus:
In the script, there are several moments where other locations are referred to such as the playing field, the bleachers, and the porta potties. Our solution to this was to decide on a point in each of our individual spaces that would function as that area in our shared space. To do this, we had to recognize that our cameras use a mirror reflection so when we look at the screen and see all the heads turned to our right and we are turned to the left, we are shown on their screens as looking to the right even though we are technically looking in the opposite direction.
Entrances and Exits:
In the absence of a shared space, and therefore lighting and a stage, we had to find a new way to enter and exit the playing space. Our solution was simple: turn your camera on when you enter, turn it off when you exit. There are certain ways to do this when functioning with a group that can have certain effects similar to what you might achieve in an actual theater. For example, instead of the lights being brought up quickly after a blackout, we all turned our cameras on at the same time off of a sound cue; in our case, the end of the stage directions being read. Likewise, to achieve a blackout, we all would turn our cameras off at the same time off of a line cue.
Backstage:
While we couldn’t have a show huddle before stepping onstage or even type to each other in the chat, the actors still managed to have a moment before the beginning of the performance in our private Instagram group chat. We checked in with each other, conspired in our anxieties, and sent messages of encouragement and love to kick off the event.
Overcoming adversity
Overall, it was incredibly empowering to be able to translate the art form we all know and love to the current mode of gathering to which we are all forced to adapt. This experience gave me hope that the art form will be kept alive even without one of its core qualities. I missed having a living breathing audience in front of me and I missed being able to take in the atmosphere of the theater and the subtle reactions of my castmates, but I still had a theatrical experience. I was nervous, I was surprised, I fed off the actions of my scene partners, and I overcame adversity side by side with my teammates. Zoom performance is new and funky and, at times, frustrating. It is by no means a substitute for the real deal. But in the absence of a live collective event, it was empowering to be able to make theater and to share the work we had all done. This experience proved to me that even in dark times, we still have ourselves and our ferocious need to create. After all, We Are The Wolves!
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